


Breaking Things

by FluffyGlitterPantsDragon



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Crack, Fix-It, Gen, Meta, Meta as all fuck, ONLY PETS, the devil made me do it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-19
Updated: 2019-04-19
Packaged: 2020-01-16 11:23:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 464
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18520471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon/pseuds/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon
Summary: Dan is rescued! but very confused! Crack abounds.





	Breaking Things

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Erya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erya/gifts), [accrues](https://archiveofourown.org/users/accrues/gifts), [GlitterSkullFairy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlitterSkullFairy/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Between Faithfulness and Fearfulness](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12059127) by [accrues](https://archiveofourown.org/users/accrues/pseuds/accrues), [Erya](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erya/pseuds/Erya). 



> If you haven't read "Between Faithfulness and Fearfulness", GO DO IT RIGHT NOW. I'll wait. To E/A, sorry I didn't ask if this was okay, I hope you like it, if you don't, I'll take it back down.

Someone was cackling in a corner at his pain. Stroking his nerves and lighting them on fire, wracking him with waves of searing pain with only their words, which some part of his brain registered were unspoken, but there all the same.

_Why me?_

Over and over things being done to him, against his will, and the _gleeful_ laughter mocked his efforts to break free. They took joy and delight in his suffering. He sensed outsiders reacting in horror to the laughter, so at least he wasn’t alone? Probably.

The door of the dungeon flew open, crashing against the wall with shattering force, followed by odd women who looked nothing like what he would expect of rescuers.

The cackling abated. “What are you doing?”

The redhead came over to him and started cutting his bonds. “Fixing it!”

“But, I’m using him right now.”

“No! Too much pain. Only pets.”

Dan eyed her. “What?”

The previously cackling woman looked back crossly. “We all share you know.”

Dan sat up on the table, rubbing his sore wrists. He seemed to also be covered in his own blood, but he didn’t quite remember what caused it. “ _What?”_

The smaller woman who followed the other one cut the bonds at his ankles with what looked suspiciously like a pink glitter-covered curved blade. This was making less and less sense. But he was being freed… sooooooooo…

The red-head growled fiercely. “NO. NO TORMENT. ONLY PETS.”

“But, he’s going to be comforted _later._ ” Under her breath, she added, “You know, _if_ Lucifer and Chloe get here in time. He’s only going to be _mostly_ dead. Not all-dead. All-dead-”

“Yes, we know. Loose change.”

Dan blinked several times. “Who are you people?”

None of them answered him.

The pain went away. He was somewhere safe and warm and his friends were still coming for him. Or thought they were coming for him. The dank dungeon became replaced with soft bedding - his own apartment.

Strange women crouched over him, along with a male or two - a lot more of them than in the dungeon. They were all inexplicably petting his head softly, despite there being more hands than could possibly...pet him...at once. Despite the fact that his apartment was barely big enough for Trixie’s birthday party, let alone a legitimate crowd of people he didn’t know.

Abruptly they nodded in almost unison and left him there. Safe but still bleeding, likely soaking into his sheets, and extremely confused. A pack of random angels rescued him? That didn’t seem right. Demons? Was he hallucinating? He must have lost his cell phone along with his clothing in the dungeon, but there it was suddenly by the bed.

He looked up at the ceiling before pressing the phone to his bloody cheek. “Thanks?”

**Author's Note:**

> I warned you it was crack.


End file.
